ZOINKS!

I don’t know if that was PMS. Maybe it’s just me. I DON’T KNOW MYSELF!

I hope he wouldn’t read this, just so he doesn’t know how awful I felt. I am trying so hard to convince myself that it was entirely my fault and none were his. Yea, PMS just suck. It makes me think things that I don’t want to think and makes me feel what I don’t want to feel. Now, my eyes are badly swollen. I’m gonna risk myself for not going to the gathering today. I don’t want people to look at me the way I look now.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking. We fought every month. There’s this point of time when I feel insecure and need his utmost love. But usually he went away, because we fought. It’s really that often, every month, or maybe much often than that. I’m afraid for the worst. I’m afraid that you can’t take any of this shit anymore.

It’s hurting me, it’s eating me inside. I HAVE to let this out of my system. I don’t feel like talking to anyone today.

I DON’T UNDERSTAND MYSELF. I DON’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.

I PROMISED MYSELF…

• Not to show that I’m upset when I’m with him. Keep it to myself even if it does hurts like bitch.
• Not to tell him the reasons why I’m upset.
• Not to talk to him whenever I’m upset.
• To remind myself that all of the above only makes things worse.